Horror Hacks
If you are like me, you’re an immortal princely demon seed
that only associates with humans so you can get a better idea of how to utilize
and harvest them. And you hate those “life hack” lists. No hacking of any kind and they all seem to be compilations of ways to run power cords through card board tubes. Assuming power cord placement does not occupy more than one minute of
your time per year, I thought I would give you some useful tips. In the event,
the extremely likely event, that you find yourself in a life or death situation,
I would prefer that you die. So I can’t make this list too helpful. However, I
would like to point out three little “hacks” that would have made all the
difference in these three horror movies:
3. Alien:
Yes, this is a horror movie. Please consult the tagline of the poster for the original movie.
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| Its a scary poster. Ask anyone. Eggs are terrifying. |
Alien is the franchise launching film that gave everyone an irrational fear of man-eating aliens with acid for blood. After
this film was released interstellar space travel from Earth was reduced by over
fifty percent! This misguided fear has lead to a lot of negative stereotypes about Aliens and their unwilling hosts owners. For those of you that don’t recall, Alien tells the heartwarming
story of a misunderstood Xenomorph that meticulously
stalks and kills all but one member of a spaceship crew. It was considered one
of the most upbeat films of the 1970s.
However, before the screaming, killing, chest bursting, more
screaming, and butt-crack shot, there was this:
John Hurt is exploring deep space and the little facehugger leaps onto his helmet, breaking or melting the glass, and latched onto his face to plant the seed of the "Alien". Nature is beautiful. However, this whole thing could have been prevented if they had simply.....
Made the helmets out of the same glass/transparent material that was used to contain the facehuggers!
In "Aliens" these facehuggers are clearly contained, and then released on purpose, in transparent cases. There is clearly a material that they cannot break or melt. It would seem wise to make your space helmet visors out of material that is resistant to corrosion, projectiles, etc, especially when you are in the business of exploring alien worlds. Just makes sense....but who am I to get in between the senseless slaughter of humans and a corporation's bottom-line?
2. Jurassic Park.
